Read Switch Bitch by Roald Dahl Free Online
Book Title: Switch Bitch|
The author of the book: Roald Dahl
Date of issue: 1976
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Reader ratings: 5.5
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Format files: PDF
The size of the: 785 KB
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I don't think a lot of people realize this, but Roald Dahl was a crazy twisted motherfucker in the best way. Naturally, he's best known for his children's stories, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and James and the Giant Peach, but what you may not know is that he wrote some adult's stories, including the ones in this volume of short stories, that are brilliantly, hilariously dark and fucked up.
There is a collection of four stories in this volume. They are very short, and my paperback copy runs to just over 140 pages. This is not a book for children, unless you:
1. Really, really hate your child
2. Want to fuck them up by building up twisted ideals of love and friendship
3. Have a lot of money for therapy
4. Want your child to be sent home from school for molesting other children
Also, don't expect political correctness here. You will get none. This book pokes fun of other nationalities... I have a powerful suspicion, though I hate to say it, that the Egyptians wash themselves less thoroughly than any other peoples in the world --- with the possible exception of the Mongolians. Women. ...I cannot believe that any man in his senses would put up with just one female day after day and year after year. It makes fun of everyone, actually. Read it with a light heart.
I read this book for my Comic Spirit class while I was in college, and it was one of the forced reading that I've continually enjoyed and read for pleasure. No spoilers, but here's a taste of what you might come to expect in this book.
Take note: there are some twistedly twists in this book. It's pretty sick :D
There's the story of the infamous Uncle Oswald, world-renowned traveler and Casanova extraodinaire, who cannot settle down with one women because he likes the thrill of the chase. He has an odd flare to his nose that drives women wild. Men want to befriend him. Women want to conquer him. They, of course, are never successful.
Uncle Oswald once found himself in the desert, in the story "The Visitor." He is stranded on the road, and taken in by a wonderfully and vaguely Middle-Eastern man, who brings him to his house and treats him like a king.
Oswald, in return, intends to seduce his hosts' wife or daughter. Or maybe both. Eeny, meeny, miny, mo --- just a little while ago, Prince Oswald had sworn that he would ravish the Queen alone, and to hell with the Princess. But now that he had seen the Princess in the flesh, he did not know which one to prefer. What will happen? Will Oswald be able to seduce the wife, the daughter? Or both? The answer is fabulously fucked up.
In "The Switch," we have two neighbors...one of whom covets his neighbor's wife...he slowly plants a seed in his neighbor's head, and together, they seek to seduce each others' wives without them knowing it. Hence, "The Switch." Many details of logistics will need to be ironed out, like the cock size. Surely a wife would know. Just as long as both men were either circumsised or uncircumsised, then there was really no problem. You'd be surprised at the number of men whose measurements are virtually the same, give or take a centimetre." They start wearing the same aftershaves. One of them stops smoking...and then comes D Day, including strategies to fool the wives such as "The Sticking Plaster Ploy," "The Familiarization With the Layout," and "Spilling the Beans." ...it was here that both of us had to describe in every detail the procedure we adopted when making love to our own wives. Will they succeed? Will they succeed beyond their wildest expectations? Read on, find out.
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Read information about the authorRoald Dahl was a British novelist, short story writer and screenwriter of Norwegian descent, who rose to prominence in the 1940's with works for both children and adults, and became one of the world's bestselling authors.
Dahl's first published work, inspired by a meeting with C. S. Forester, was Shot Down Over Libya. Today the story is published as A Piece of Cake. The story, about his wartime adventures, was bought by the Saturday Evening Post for $900, and propelled him into a career as a writer. Its title was inspired by a highly inaccurate and sensationalized article about the crash that blinded him, which claimed he had been shot down instead of simply having to land because of low fuel.
His first children's book was The Gremlins, about mischievous little creatures that were part of RAF folklore. The book was commissioned by Walt Disney for a film that was never made, and published in 1943. Dahl went on to create some of the best-loved children's stories of the 20th century, such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Matilda and James and the Giant Peach.
He also had a successful parallel career as the writer of macabre adult short stories, usually with a dark sense of humour and a surprise ending. Many were originally written for American magazines such as Ladies Home Journal, Harper's, Playboy and The New Yorker, then subsequently collected by Dahl into anthologies, gaining world-wide acclaim. Dahl wrote more than 60 short stories and they have appeared in numerous collections, some only being published in book form after his death. His stories also brought him three Edgar Awards: in 1954, for the collection Someone Like You; in 1959, for the story "The Landlady"; and in 1980, for the episode of Tales of the Unexpected based on "Skin".
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